Today has been a rather thought-inspiring day, after listening to a worship album that I downloaded -- more for the positive words I had heard beforehand on its superb atmosphere, than any interest in actually hearing a praise album. You see, I have a love/hate relationship with Christianity, and I'm always trying to figure my particular stance with God and with other Christians. You see, I grew up in a Christian family and attended church most Sundays (or Saturdays, the early years were Seventh Day Adventist) and over time, I've kind of distanced myself away from the whole of organized religion. But what exactly is it that makes religion so distasteful to me? Insincerity is my major point. Ask a Christian what they would do if there was no God, and I think they wouldn't even allow themselves to think of such a thing. They act as though it's a sin in itself to let the thought of a world created by other means. But really, I can't help but believe that if it was proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that God was indeed not real, that Christians would not continue to live in the manner which they preached. In my opinion, a lot of Christianity is based around a two-way relationship: "you help me; I praise you for helping me, and I live my life in a particular way" but if such a person doesn't receive help, as I've heard time and time again; they turn their back on the religion, simply because they believe that this higher being should be the guiding hand for everything wrong. That Christians like to think that God is some sort of crutch, without whom they could not live. But they key to happiness, I believe, is relying on nobody but yourself, because we are ultimately the only truly reliable one. I don't trust that something is done 100% the way I want it unless it's done myself, and in the same manner, Christians expect it to be done, not by themselves, but by something else. Also, the main desire of a Christian is to obtain entrance into Heaven, but really, ultimately being a good person doesn't need a reward. All of their good deeds could be classified as false, because they are doing to for a reward down the tracks, that they aren't doing particular things because it's what's right. Same with bad deeds, these people are afraid to sin because they are scared of the concept of Hell, and being sent there. not because it's simply a bad thing to do. It all seems to me that people are acting in ways for the wrong reasons. So essentially, I have tried to live in an opposite manner, yet still retaining the values of love and friendship which I feel lie at the core of Christianity itself, that over the years, the original ideals of religion as a whole have been tarnished. That we shouldn't feel a need to believe the same as every body else because we all go through a different journey of life, and to believe the duplicate of millions of other people is also not sincere. Don't treat faith as a blind object, criticize God because then any sort of relationship can indeed grow stronger. In the same manner that fighting with a friend, a lover, or a family member can make things better, because we shouldn't hold critique inside, because then nothing can progress the way it was made to.
I guess it all stems down to my belief that people shouldn't really be praised unless they've done something right, because that's simply how we learn. That if I do something wrong, I'd prefer to be told so, than believing that I'm doing a wrong thing right. Ultimately, I'd like to see a person who's had an absolute crap life, yet still believed despite nothing going right. I would respect that person, if they didn't expect to be taken out of what troubles they already had.
I may sound unfocused in what I say, but that's only because I am unfocused in what I actually believe. My ethical system is a constantly changing cloud that constantly floats around my head, somewhat to my misfortune. But really, just even questioning our own sense of morality is what allows us to become greater and better people.